Have hope
by middaymoon69
Summary: From where Always leaves off. Potential for more if there are enough reviews :


_Have hope. That's what my father told me when my mother died. And every day for the last eleven years, I've dared to hope… dared to move on from that night, but today, I think I'm finally there. I've lost my badge, I've let my mother's killer walk free and taken a bullet to the heart… but I don't care any more. I know what I want now; I've been staring it in the face for years now… and I'm ready._

"Becket… what do you want?" Rick asked as he opened the door, still feeling guilty after he had just dropped her phone call. She stared at him for a few seconds, her wet hair dripping around her tearful face and she stepped forward with a word on her lips.

"You." And she grabbed his cheeks, kissing him firmly; hungrily, as though he was all she needed to breathe. It caught him off guard and Kate took advantage, stepping over the threshold, still dying for this man.

He caught her wrists and pulled back as conscious thought returned and she whispered her apology again and again, resting their foreheads together again. Kate moved to kiss him once more and Rick stepped back with more purpose though the distance between them was almost non existence and stared down at her; worried, seeing the pain etched in her face.

"What happened?" he asked and she looked away, almost in resignation.

"He got away and I didn't care." She replied with a smile stretching across her face. "I almost died and all I could think about was you. I just want you." And she reached up to his face, letting her fingertips brush across his lips, honest and vulnerable in his arms.

Thunder churned from the storm outside and it was as though four years of repression, of tension, of sexual frustration were released. Rick pushed her up against the wall, kissing her passionately as Kate ran her fingers through his hair. He moved to her neck and she closed her eyes, gasping softly from the sensation he bestowed on her. She took one of his hands and pressed it against her chest, the two of them together undoing the top few buttons of her shirt till the scar from the bullet hole was visible, right between her breasts. He ignored it though, kissing the line of her jaw till Rick reached her lips again. They tangled their fingers together and Kate smiled, pulling back to look up at him. She slowly turned her body away and pulled him further into his apartment, Rick smiling and closing the door.

"Kate…" he whispered as she dragged him into the living room and she looked up at him, pushing her hair off her face. "You're cold… you're freezing even…" and he wrapped his arms around her platonically. "Why don't you go and warm up in a hot shower or bath, and I'll make us some dinner."

"I shouldn't have come here." She started defensively straight away; scared that she was being rejected. "I shouldn't have…"

"No; you definitely should have." He replied, cupping the side of her face. "But you're freezing. You need to warm up, and then, you and I can talk."

"Castle…"

"Please Kate." he begged and she rested her head against his chest, not wanting to let him go. "Twenty minutes; tops." And he looked down at her face, seeing tears rolling down her cheeks.

Rick picked her up in his arms and carried her up the stairs to his bathroom and sat her down on the edge of the tub. He turned it on, letting the hot water fill the white bath, brushing her hair back from her face. Slowly, he leaned forward and kissed her, taking the lead for the first time that evening. "I'll get you some clothes from Alexis's room… ok?" and she nodded. "Sure you're ok?"

"Yeah." And he stood up, squeezing her hand. "Thank you." And Rick turned and left the room, leaving her alone. He opened his daughter's closet, knowing there must be something that would fit but choked; realising that he needed to find things like underwear for her, not knowing if she wanted a fresh bra… thinking things would be too short on her…"

"Kate? There's some things just outside here, ok?" he said a few moments later, setting down some things on the threshold of the tiled room. "I'll just be downstairs, ok?"

"Ok." Kate replied and she heard him leave, staring at her reflection in the mirror. She pulled her shirt off and stared at herself, her fingers resting on the spot where the bullet pierced her skin. This small scar bothered her more than the long mark on the side of her ribcage but even now, after almost a year, it was starting to fade. Kate walked over to the door and grabbed the clothes he had chosen for her. She could tell he had been embarrassed with the simple task; blatant by his final choice of a pair of pyjamas and underwear, with his daughter's dressing gown on top, choosing those things rather than normal clothes. Kate put them beside the basin and shed the rest of her clothes, stepping into the almost scalding water.

It was almost an hour later before Kate walked down the stairs, smelling the concoction he had put together.

"Feel better?" Rick asked and she nodded, sitting down on the stool at the bench, watching as he put pasta into bowls.

"I hope you don't mind… but I put my clothes in the washing machine…" and he shook his head.

"That's fine." And he turned to her, handing her a bowl and a fork before joining her with his own, handing her a glass of red wine. "I hope this tastes alright…" and Kate took a small bite. "Is it…?"

"It's good." She affirmed, licking her lips clear of the sauce. He watched her tongue as it darted out of her mouth and she blushed, watching him, watch her.

"Kate… are you sure you're alright?" he asked and she nodded, putting the bowl down after only a few bites. "You're not hungry?"

"Not really…" and she stood up, walking over to the book case with her wine glass, where novels were punctuated with photos, including one of the two of them. "I remember when this was taken." She said, picking it up. "Ryan's wedding…" and she sipped from her glass. "That was a great night…"

"It was." Rick agreed, abandoning the meal he had made and joining her with the photos. "I've got to put a new one up of Alexis today… you should have heard her speech… it made me so proud…"

"I can imagine." Kate smiled, putting the photo back down, her eyes trailing over another of them again, but with Ryan and Esposito in the station, the three cops dressed in their formal blues. "I turned in my badge…"

"You did what?" Rick asked and she nodded. "Were you suspended?" and she shrugged.

"Gates wanted to, but I quit instead." And she turned to face him. "I quit and I don't care. I just wanted to be here with you."

"Kate…" he whispered, taking her glass and setting it down on the shelf beside his own. "Kate; you're whole world…" and she shook her head.

"I have this diary at home… I only write in it every month or so… when something changes… or when… but… I wrote today…"

"Kate… you don't have to tell me…"

"I quit being a cop; a job that I love, and I don't care. I got shot and I don't care. I watched my mother's killer go free… and I don't care… but I'm standing here; in front of you and my heart is aching. All I can think about is the next step… the next step forward and I know that tomorrow, I'm going to fall apart… I know that it's going to hit me… but tonight… please… Castle… I just want you."

Rick sat down on the couch, looking up at the woman teetering on the edge of breaking down. He had wanted her for years; had told her that he loved her as she stood at death's door and yet his head told him now that taking advantage of her overly emotional state was not going to build a better tomorrow. Still, he couldn't help but pull Kate into his arms as she sat beside him. She pulled his cheek down to face her and kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Bracing her hands against his shoulders, she shifted her body so that she straddled him, already shrugging the borrowed robe off. Rick wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her neck again and Kate whimpered, digging her fingers into his shoulders.

"Kate, this is really what you want?" he asked and she nodded, kissing him firmly, their tongues starting to tango.

That was enough for him; to know that he was all she wanted that night and Rick grabbed at her with more conviction, his hands slipping under the back of her shirt, feeling the absence of a bra. All Kate wanted to do was to go from 0-60, but this was a man that wouldn't simply walk away from her after a quick play. Rick looked down, seeing her fingers playing with the buttons on his black shirt, undoing the top few and put one hand over hers. Wordlessly, he took over undoing his shirt as Kate reached for the hem of the singlet top she wore with Alexis's pyjama pants, pulling it up and over her head. He seemed to go still as she dropped the singlet to the ground and he could see the mark from the bullet hole again.

Rick connected their lips and she brought his hand up to cup her breast, guiding his thumb to graze over her nipple. He started the slow process of teasing her and it didn't take long before she was writhing at his touch.

"Rick, I need more." She begged, throwing back her head as he went for the jugular again. Kate reached for his belt and felt the erection already straining through his zipper. She quickly freed him and began to run her hand up and down the length of his shaft, feeling him groan into her shoulder after a particularly firm squeeze.

"Kate… you've got to stop doing that… or else…" and she quickly let him go, not wanting to end things prematurely.

"Take your pants off Castle." She told him, standing up and staring down at him. "Castle…" and he watched as she pushed the pyjama pants off, standing naked in front of him.

She looked like his dreams and he lifted his hips, pushing his pants down to his ankles as Kate knelt back on top of him, grabbing the sides of his square jaw.

"Rick…" she breathed, muttering his real name for the first time in years and he grabbed her hips, pulling her forward.

"I love you Kate; I love you." And he kissed her, running his fingers through her wet hair. She took hold of him and felt him pause in the act of nipping her bottom lip and Kate guided him to where she needed, before sinking down onto his shaft.

He moaned loudly as she began to rock her hips back and forth, both of them definitely enjoying themselves, there on the couch. Kate closed her eyes, holding onto the back of the couch for support as he started raising his hips to match her motion. Rick grabbed her thighs, one hand a little higher to brush against her ass and Kate grabbed the back of his head, pulling it forward so that his lips made contact with her breast. He did so willingly, his teeth scraping against the smooth skin, making her gasp and feeling the knot in her stomach tighten, knowing it would be unravelling before long.

There was nothing crazy or unusual about how they moved together. They were just a man and a woman, passionately rocking together, Rick feeling his control falling away, Kate starting to scream from pleasure. He was hitting that spot inside her that she had started to doubt believing it even existed.

"Rick… Castle, I'm…" she panted but he couldn't reply, still engrossed in her breasts. She came with a power she'd never experienced before and Rick let loose, exploding inside her. Kate fell against him, dropping her head against his shoulder and he kissed the back of her neck, feeling her shiver.

"Wow." He muttered, pulling the blanket from the back of the couch and draping it over her shoulders to cover her nakedness.

"Dozens of books and the best you have is 'wow'?" Kate replied with a smile, lifting her head.

"Well, I… Kate, I just… I've only got breath for wow." And he kissed her gently, loving the sight of her smile. "This is so much better though than what I wrote in my book."

"I love you Castle." And the two of them fell together against the couch, not bothering to move, drifting off to sleep.


End file.
